T.T

do i even have a right to have friend?? will i ever have a friend that is always there no matter what?? i think i don't even deserve a friend.. i just kept hurting them somehow.. i don't even know what i do wrong sometimes.. my heart ache every time.. it really hurt but what can i do.. i am destined to be like this.. this is what people call fate.. why do i worry about that person anyway?? i always worry to much about her.. weird.. i kind of want something like in movies happen to me.. why can't i just meet a girl and fall in love with her?? is it something forbidden for me?? maybe..haha.. i don't know what to say about that.. i can't even get a friend.. i mean a true friend.. how can i expect to fall in love with someone right?? what is love anyway?? why can't i get it?? is it because of my fate?? it seems so.. actually i think i am in love with someone.. maybe i'm not also.. actually i don't know.. i'm sad every time i think of her.. i'm worried when i don't know what is happening to her.. i'm afraid to talk to her.. i'm scared of losing her.. my heart is aching again..haha.. i really miss her.. how i wish everything was just a dream.. i'm really tired of losing every person that i met.. i cannot fight my fate.. maybe one day i try to convince myself that i'm alone in this world.. i cannot think anymore.. till next time bloggie.. how i miss complaining to you..T.T..