It's a very cloudy day

Life is very weird..because no matter how hard I wish for some happiness in my life I never seem to get it..I tried everything possible..I played games..I hang out with people.. I get a long with people but at the end of the day I was still alone..I don't know why but even if there was a lot of people around me I still felt isolated..like I'm being pushed aside by everyone.. I made people laugh I made them smile..but none of them knows how I really am inside..even if I tried my hard to explain it to anyone no one understand and everything ended up destroyed..That's why this life is so hard to manage..Everyone progress when they work hard in life..I don't. .I only get lower the more I try to make myself happy, to get myself a friend.. I always lose everything when I tried hard to achieve it..That's why my life is weird..It go backward for me when it goes foward for everyone else..For me hope is just a hope..A dream is just a dream..nothing else..why does everyone get to move on with their life but not me..I tried very hard every time it's like a useless attempt for me..